Few thing’s annoy me more than unnecessary apostrophe’s. It especially seem’s to happen on word’s that end in vowel’s, such as pizza’s, soda’s, cookie’s, but it can happen on any word at anytime’s. People, you CANNOT make a word plural by adding an ’s to it! And it’s’s everywhere–on sign’s, T-shirt’s, banner’s, etc’s.

Okay, I have to stop this now. But I hope you get my point. The people at http://www.apostropheabuse.com/ sure do. They have photos of signs and menus and shirts with things like pantyhoe’s and ladie’s and all kinds of stuff that makes me cringe, but it’s nice to see that there are people in this world who are as horrified as I am. Maybe someday these errors will stop being written and printed. Someday’s in the future’s…

So here in Louisville, Kentucky, last week, this was pretty much the scene. Ice and snow everywhere, schools closed, power out. So, in trying to come up with an ice or snow song, I didn’t think of the obvious choices like “Ice Ice Baby.” No, my mind went to Snow, that now-obscure white rapper who was EVERYWHERE in the early 90s, then seemed to disappear.

So I looked him up on Wiki, and found out what Snow stands for (I had no idea it stood for anything).

Snow was discovered by a Jamaican-born DJ named Marvin Prince, while living in Ajax. The name Snow, a backronym for “Super Notorious Outrageous Whiteboy”, was given to him by Marvin Prince. Prince took Snow to New York City and introduced him to MC Shan, who introduced them both to producer David Kenneth Eng and Steve Salem. Snow eventually signed a contract to record on their Motorjam/Elektra record label. His 1993 debut album was 12 Inches of Snow. MC Shan and Marvin Prince produced the entire album while Snow was imprisoned for a year on an assault charge.

Upon his release from prison, Snow’s first single “Informer,” written by Marvin Prince, became a chart topping hit. The album sold over 8 million records worldwide, with the single from the album “Informer” remaining #1 on the American Billboard charts for seven consecutive weeks. “Informer” has been recorded twice in the Guinness Book of World Records as the best selling reggae single in U.S. history, as well as the highest charting reggae single in history. A second single, “Girl I’ve Been Hurt”, reached #19 on the Hot 100.

Okay, I’ve never heard of that “Girl I’ve Been Hurt” song, either. But he apparently had some hit songs in Canada recently and released another album in 2007.

But he’ll always be best known for this magnificent show of songwriting skills. (Remember when MTV ran the video with the words at the bottom of the screen because nobody could understand them?)

Whats up man! hey yo whats up!
Yeah whats goin on here.
Sick an tired of five-oh runnin up on the block here.
You know what Im sayin?
Yo snow, they came around here lookin for you the other day.
Word? word! bust it!

Chorus
Informer, you no say daddy me snow me Ill go blame,
A licky boom boom down.
Detective mon said daddy me snow me stab someone down the lane,
A licky boom boom down.
Informer, you no say daddy me snow me Ill go blame,
A licky boom boom down.
Detective mon said daddy me snow me stab someone down the lane,
A licky boom boom down.

Police them come an now they blow down me door,
One him come crawl through, through my window,
So then they put me in the back the car at the station,
From that point on me reach my destination,
When the destination reached, it was the east detention, where them
Whipped down me pants, looked up me bottom, so

Chorus

Bigger they are they think they have more power,
Theyre on the phone me say that on (every) hour,
Me for want to use it once an now me call me lover,
Lover who Ill be callin is the one tammy,
An me love her in me heart down to my belly,
Yes me daddy me snow me I feel cool an deadly,
As the one mc shan an the one daddy snow,
Together we-a loveem as a tor-na-do.

Chorus

Listen for me, you better listen for me now.
Listen for me, you better listen for me now.
When me rockin the microphone me rock it steady,
Yes sir, daddy me snow me are the article done.
But in the in an the out of a dance them they say where you come from,
People them say you come from jamaica,
But me born an raised in the ghetto thats the one I want you to know,
Pure black people mon thats all I mon know.
Yeah me shoes are tear up an me toes used to show,
Where me born in on the one toronto, so

Chorus

Come with a nice young lady. intelligent,
Yes shes gentle an irie.
Everywhere me go, me never left her at all.
Yes, its daddy snow me are the roam dance mon.
Roam between a dancin in a in a nation-a.
You never know say daddy me snow me are the boom shakata.
Me never lay-a down flat in that one cardboard box.
Yes say me daddy me snow me Ill go reachin at the top, so…

Chorus

Why would he?

Me sittin round cool with my dibbie dibbie girl,
Police knock my door,
Lick up my pal,
Rough me up an I cant do a thing
Pick up my line, when my telephone ring.
Take me to the station,
Black up my hands.
Trail me down, cuz Im hangin with the snowman,
What Im gonna do,
Im backed an Im trapped,
Slap me in the face an took all o my gap.
They have no clues an they wanna get warmer,
But shan wont turn informer!

See also: Whatever that “Girl I’ve Been Hurt” song is.

Just when you think you know all the hard-ish rock bands from the mid ’90s, you get smacked in the face with one you’ve never heard of. I heard this song on the local high school radio station, Googled the lyrics and found it’s from a band named Orbit who played at Lollapalooza in 1997.

Wikipedia helpfully offers these tidbits about the band.

Orbit is a Boston, Massachusetts-based power trio. Formed in 1994, the band went on hiatus in late 2001. Their initial releases were on drummer Buckley’s own Lunch Records label before the band moved to major label A&M Records. They completed recording their second major label album, “Guide To Better Living”, but it was never released by A&M. The band then moved back to Lunch Records for the rest of their releases.

Perhaps the high point of the band’s career was the hit, “Medicine”, and their presence on the 1997 Lollapalooza tour. They also had the song, “XLR8R”, included on the soundtrack of the Playstation 2 game, FreQuency.

Orbit played two reunion shows on December 28th and 29th, 2007, at the Paradise Rock Club in Boston, MA. They performed with also defunct Boston indie rock group The Sheila Divine.

So here’s their hit that I heard, “Medicine,” and unfortunately I haven’t heard their other song so I have no idea what it sounds like. But this one’s worthy of iPod rotation.

She’s a car broken down out on the highway
She’s a good little girl but her daddy don’t know
I said my bed’s  just a moment away
She stops herself
She holds herself
And she shakes her head
She said I’m all alone in this town
Gonna buy myself some brand new things
Gonna get myself together
Gonna break myself and take myself to some other time

Brand new dress brand new shoes brand new cup of tea
Don’t hurt yourself don’t burn yourself don’t fall down on your face
I made my bed I’m gonna sleep in it
But I’m gonna get myself some clean new sheets

Baby come back
Make yourself whole
Baby come home
Choke the medicine down

Water well
Watch me walk
Come wash me away
I think I hurt myself and cut myself some other day
She said don’t think it’s no good for it all
Some days are good
Some days are bad
Most days you can’t wash it off

Baby come back
Make yourself whole
Baby come home
Choke the medicine down

Baby come back
Make yourself whole
Baby come home
Choke your medicine down
Choke the medicine down
Choke the medicine

Down

In the spirit of Christmas, and because I’ve only been making one blog post a month and would like to do more, I present…a Holiday wish. From Steve Martin.

 

From SNL, 1991.

Steve Martin: If I had one wish that I could wish this holiday season, it would be that all the children to join hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace.

If I had two wishes I could make this holiday season, the first would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sing in the spirit of harmony and peace. And the second would be for 30 million dollars a month to be given to me, tax-free in a Swiss bank account.

You know, if I had three wishes I could make this holiday season, the first, of course, would be for all the children of the world to get together and sing, the second would be for the 30 million dollars every month to me, and the third would be for encompassing power over every living being in the entire universe.

And if I had four wishes that I could make this holiday season, the first would be the crap about the kids definitely, the second would be for the 30 million, the third would be for all the power, and the fourth would be to set aside one month each year to have an extended 31-day orgasm, to be brought out slowly by Rosanna Arquette and that model Paulina-somebody, I can’t think of her name. Of course my lovely wife can come too and she’s behind me one hundred percent here, I guarantee it.

Wait a minute, maybe the sex thing should be the first wish, so if I made that the first wish, because it could all go boom tomorrow, then what do you got, y’know? No, no, the kids, the kids singing would be great, that would be nice. But wait a minute, who am I kidding? They’re not going to be able to get all those kids together. I mean, the logistics of the thing is impossible, more trouble than it’s worth! So — we reorganize! Here we go. First, the sex thing. We go with that. Second, the money. No, we got with the power second, then the money. And then the kids. Oh wait, oh jeez, I forgot about revenge against my enemies! Okay, I need revenge against all my enemies, they should die like pigs in hell! That would be my fourth wish. And, of course, my fifth wish would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace.

Thank you everybody and Merry Christmas.

The economy sucks, our current president is not going down without a (shoe) fight, and if you haven’t been laid off yet, it may be coming. But “Merry Christmas!” the calendar says.

If you’re not in a Christmassy mood, I can understand and relate. And so can The Waitresses, who begin one of my favorite Christmas songs with “Bah humbug!” But the tale ends with “a very happy ending,” and I hope your holiday season does too.

(And let’s face it–after the holiday season is over, we won’t have to endure those stupid Sears “wishtory” commercials with LL Cool J or Ty Pennington or some family I’ve never heard of and that idiotic song, “Got a package full of wishes” and then they tell you the real meaning of the commercial at the end when they try to sell you some cheap diamond chip necklace. And who came up with the word “wishstory” anyway???!)

See also: “I Know What Boys Want”

 

“Bah, humbug!” No, that’s too strong
‘Cause it is my favorite holiday
But all this year’s been a busy blur
Don’t think I have the energy

To add to my already mad rush
Just ’cause it’s ’tis the season.
The perfect gift for me would be
Completions and connections left from

Last year, ski shop,
Encounter, most interesting.
Had his number but never the time
Most of ‘81 passed along those lines.

So deck those halls, trim those trees
Raise up cups of Christmas cheer,
I just need to catch my breath,
Christmas by myself this year.

Calendar picture, frozen landscape,
Chilled this room for twenty-four days,
Evergreens, sparkling snow
Get this winter over with!

Flashback to springtime, saw him again,
Would’ve been good to go for lunch,
Couldn’t agree when we were both free,
We tried, we said we’d keep in touch.

Didn’t, of course, ’til summertime,
Out to the beach to his boat could I join him?
No, this time it was me,
Sunburn in the third degree.

Now the calendar’s just one page
And, of course, I am excited
Tonight’s the night, but I’ve set my mind
Not to do too much about it.

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
But I think I’ll miss this one this year.
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
But I think I’ll miss this one this year.
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
But I think I’ll miss this one this year.
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
But I think I’ll miss this one this year.

Hardly dashing through the snow
Cause I bundled up too tight
Last minute have-to-do’s
A few cards a few calls
‘Cause it’s r-s-v-p
No thanks, no party lights
It’s Christmas Eve, gonna relax
Turned down all of my invites.

Last fall I had a night to myself,
Same guy called, halloween party,
Waited all night for him to show,
This time his car wouldn’t go,

Forget it, it’s cold, it’s getting late,
Trudge on home to celebrate
In a quiet way, unwind
Doing Christmas right this time.

A&P has provided me
With the world’s smallest turkey
Already in the oven, nice and hot
Oh damn! Guess what I forgot?

So on with the boots, back out in the snow
To the only all-night grocery,
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
In the line is that guy I’ve been chasing all year!

“I’m spending this one alone,” he said.
“Need a break; this year’s been crazy.”
I said, “Me too, but why are you?
You mean you forgot cranberries too?”

Then suddenly we laughed and laughed
Caught on to what was happening
That Christmas magic’s brought this tale
To a very happy ending! “

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
Couldn’t miss this one this year!
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
Couldn’t miss this one this year!

I’m a registered Democrat, but I have to admit that I was unsure about Obama. To me he seemed too slick, too promises-made-but-not-kept. I had been pulling for other candidates in the primaries, but he decimated them all. I thought he had experts pulling the strings in his campaign, but no real substance from him. I even thought the community organizing he did was all for show, to lead up to his presidency.

But something I saw on Election Night made me think. It was a logo in someone’s signature on a message board and it read: “Nobama. Keep the change.”

Wait a second–was this person saying that we don’t need change? That the past eight years have been so wonderful that we need to keep this up for the next four years or more?

Then I figured it out: That’s exactly why tens of millions of people voted for Obama. I never thought McCain was a viable candidate anyway, especially not after his pandering pick of Palin.

But the bottom line was simple: We can’t handle four more years of Bush. People have been counting down his departure for eight years, and they were not going to elect his clone.

I don’t hate McCain. I think he and his campaign people made a lot of missteps, and they just generally didn’t seem very well organized. But I don’t hate Obama, either, and when I put his election in the proper context, it makes a lot of sense. I wish him luck, and it will be interesting to see how the next four years unfold.

I love finding songs that are so obscure that the lyrics aren’t even available on the interwebs. But this song is so spare and so beautiful that everybody should listen to it.

The singer, Linda Draper, is a New York City folk chanteuse, and her sixth LP is due out next year, her website says. Her voice is like baby powder–soft and smooth and a tiny bit gritty, but silky.

Reviews have also described her as “beautifully ghostly, memorable, intimate, crisp, dreamy.”

You just have to listen to this song to understand. It’s gorgeous.

Since I posted about Cake’s “Ruby,” below, I was reminded about a similar guy you need to listen to. I first heard about Jim White from my mom some years back, who had heard him on our public radio station and immediately bought his CD. I listened to it and was stunned A) because this was a type of music that I had never even contemplated before, a kind of country melody with almost a spare, hip-hop leaning, and B) that I liked music that my mom liked.

The melodies are laced with folksy Southern wisdom and stories, and a healthy sense of humor, and make you feel like you’re hanging out at a gas station on a dusty road in the middle of nowhere. And that’s a good thing.

From his Wikipedia entry: White was born in Pensacola, Florida to a Pentecostal family, and was influenced in his childhood by gospel music. According to various sources, he has been a comedian, a fashion model, a boxer, a preacher, a professional surfer, and a New York cab driver.

Maybe that explains the mash-up of genres. So if you’re in the mood for something different, download the song below, “10 Miles to Go on a 9 Mile Road.” Or just pick up his whole 2001 CD, “No Such Place.”

They tell me miracles abound now more than ever, but I don’t care.

They say it’s better to be blessed than it is to be clever, but I don’t care.

‘Cause I got 10 miles to go on a 9 mile road, and it’s a rocky rough road, but I don’t care.

For life’s nothing if not a blind rambling prayer, you keep your head held high, a’walking and a’talking ’til the power of Love deliver you there. The power of Love deliver you there. The power of Love deliver you there. The power of Love deliver you…you….

You don’t get nothing for free, ‘less of course you steal it, at least that’s what the people say.

The sad irony of Love is how so seldom you feel it, yet it’s all you dream about, night and day.

From the splinter in the hand, to the thorn in the heart, to the shotgun to the head, you got no choice but to learn to glean solace from pain or you’ll end up cynical or dead.

Me, I got 10 miles to go on a 9 mile road and it’s a rocky rough road, but I don’t care.

For life’s nothing if not a blind rambling prayer, you keep your head held high, a’walking and a’talking and a’talking and a’walking, ’til the power of Love deliver you there. The power of Love deliver you there. The power of Love deliver you there. The power of Love deliver you…THERE!!!

Sometimes you throw yourself into the sea of faith, and the sharks of doubt come and they devour you.

Other times you throw yourself into the sea of faith only to find the treasure lost in the shipwreck inside of you!

There ain’t no guarantees, none of that nonsense like on tv, just gotta roll the dice, and take your lumps.

You’re gonna get yourself knocked down, so better learn to stand back up, for those who dwell on disaster let sorrow be their master.

Me, I got 10 miles to go on a 9 mile road and it’s a rocky rough road, but I don’t care.

‘Cause life’s nothing if not a blind rambling prayer, you keep your head held high, a’walking and a’talking ’til the power of Love deliver you there. The power of Love deliver you there. The power of Love deliver you there. The power of Love deliver you there.

My buddy Phillip works as a gas station attendant.

Strangers call his name to him a thousand times a day.

They don’t know him, they’re just asking “Phillip” for a “fill-up.”

Funny how fate plays tricks on us…that way—through the power of Love.

———————–

See also: “Handcuffed to a Fence in Mississippi”

There’s a new radio station in our town that plays old country songs. And while I absolutely hate “new” country, for some reason I don’t mind some of the old stuff. One of the songs they play is “Ruby, Don’t Take Your Love to Town” by Kenny Rogers. Now, Kenny and I have a special bond because we share an August 21 birthday. And even though he looks downright scary because of all the plastic surgery he’s had, how can you hate on somebody who told you the story of The Gambler?

Anyway, while his slow version of “Ruby” is a classic, I prefer Cake’s version. You might remember their slow-burning song “The Distance” (“Reluctantly crouched…at the starting line…engines thumping…and pumping…in time…”) or their later hit “Short Skirt/Long Jacket.” But their cover of “Ruby” puts them firmly in jangly country-rock territory, stays true to the original with just a slightly faster beat, and a nice touch at the end.

This is a band that has dabbled in all kinds of different genres, from funk to ska, and excels at all of them. “Ruby” was on their album “B Sides and Rarities” and of course needs to go on your ipod.

This is the story behind the song, courtesy of Wikipedia:

The song is about a disabled, dying veteran of “that old crazy Asian war” (the Korean War), who begs his lover not to cheat on him. Songwriter Mel Tillis based the song on a couple who lived near his family in Florida. In real life, the man was wounded in Germany in World War II and sent to recuperate in England. There he married a nurse who took care of him at the hospital. The two of them moved to Florida shortly afterward, but he had periodic return trips to the hospital as problems with his wounds kept flaring up. His wife saw another man as the veteran lay in the hospital. Tillis changed the war to the more recent Korean War in the song, and departed from the ending that happened in real life: the man killed his wife in a murder-suicide. This is however alluded to in the song, with the singer avowing, “If I could move I’d get my gun and put her in the ground.”

You’ve painted up your lips
And rolled and curled your tinted hair
Ruby are you contemplating
Going out somewhere
The shadow on the wall
Tells me the sun is going down
Oh Ruby
Don’t take your love to town

It wasn’t me
That started that old crazy Asian war
But I was proud to go
And do my patriotic chore
And yes, it’s true that
I’m not the man I used to be
Oh, Ruby I still need some company

Its hard to love a man
Whose legs are bent and paralyzed
And the wants and the needs of a woman your age
Ruby I realize,
But it won’t be long I’ve heard them say until I’m not around
Oh Ruby
Don’t take your love to town

She’s leaving now cause
I just heard the slamming of the door
The way I know I’ve heard it slam
Some 100 times before
And if I could move I’d get my gun
And put her in the ground
Oh Ruby
Don’t take your love to town

Oh Ruby for God’s sake turn around

—————————

See also: Cake’s “Stickshifts and Safetybelts”

I know autumn technically begins in mid-September, but Labor Day always tends to be the “unofficial” end of summer, just as Memorial Day “kind of” begins it. So with that in mind, I present highlights from my summer.

Pro: Went to tons of movies. I liked “Tropic Thunder,” “Wall-E,” (surprisingly) “The Incredible Hulk” and semi-liked “Step Brother.”

Con: Saw “You Don’t Mess With the Zohan.” How did this movie even get made? Adam Sandler can (and should) do better than this.

Pro: Finally got braces.

Con: Miss nachos like crazy. I guess I could eat them if I was careful, but how fun would it be to break the nachos into tiny pieces and half-gum them so as not to risk losing a bracket? Maybe someday I’ll get braver but I’d rather just wait. For now.

Pro: Getting a new car stereo for my birthday.

Con: Having said stereo stolen from my car less than a week later. That was really crappy.

Pro: Going to the state fair.

Con: Being so exhausted from a bad night with allergies that I didn’t much enjoy the state fair. And I also didn’t get a ribbon for my entry. Sucks.

Pro: Getting into the Olympics. I’m not a sports person at all but there’s just something about a bunch of random sports (racewalking, anyone?) that just draws you in. I especially liked the rebroadcasts in the middle of the night, since I wasn’t home a lot when they were first aired.

Con: Olympic withdrawal after it was over. I have to wait another four years for this?? I know the Winter Olympics roll around in two years, but it’s not the same, dang it!

So that was my summer. This season’s kind of anticlimactic when you get out of school. When you’re a kid, of course you can’t wait for summer to get here, and are way depressed when it’s over and school rears its ugly head. Now, it’s like, “It’s too freaking hot outside!” and you look forward to crisp days and wearing sweaters. And Labor Day rolls around way early this year, too, cutting short the summer fun. But I know, at least here in the South/Midwest, we’re still going to have 90-degree weather for the next few weeks, I’m sure, so maybe summer isn’t really leaving us alone yet.