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Houses of Horror

21 Feb

I’ve been searching for houses for a long time now, and my search always intensifies when I hear the stomping or general movement of the horrid neighbors in the apartment above me.

I’d like to have a home to fix up and decorate, my own front and back yards, a door to put a wreath on,  my own driveway or garage.

So I’ve seen literally thousands and still haven’t found the perfect one. Either it’s price or location or something turns me off about it.

So if you’re also looking for a house, come commiserate with me. If you’re selling yours, read on to find out what an average buyer is looking for.

1. Neutral colors are your friend.

I don’t want to see your red dining room, your orange bathroom, your green kitchen. I want to see light mochas, whites, tans.

A simple paint job (yes, throughout your home — even on the outside if you’re able to) can earn you thousands of dollars.

A house can be adorable on the outside but a bright yellow bedroom will make me run for the hills.

And before you say anything, yes, I know paint and wallpaper can be changed easily. But that’s my point: It can be changed easily, so the seller should do that.

Save your own personal style for your next house.

This also goes for things like shower curtains — why not pick up a cheap white fabric shower curtain for your bathroom photo? It will brighten up the room and the potential buyer won’t be distracted by a busy or ugly print.

A seller wants to add their own touches. Which brings us to my next point.

2. Hide your personal effects well.

I get really turned off by seeing people’s personal photos on the walls, tables or shelves in a home.

No buyer wants to imagine someone else living in the house they may be buying.

This also goes for things like trophies, knick-knacks, your 12 cases of water you bought at Costco that are sitting in your basement,  dog food and pet cages.

I also don’t like seeing aquariums, but that may just be a personal thing with me.

I found one house recently that may have been put on my list, except for the fact that the pictures contained a wheelchair and an oxygen tank in the rooms.

Honestly, this bothered me for two reasons: 1) It reminded me of my grandparents who passed away and 2) These items made me think an elderly person died in the home.

Whether No. 2 is true or not, it’s not a good idea to have these items in your for-sale photos.

They could easily be moved to other parts of the home while the photos are being taken, then moved back. Just like photos and knick-knacks.

3. “Evidence of possible mold”

is never a good thing to read.

4. Try staging.

While cluttered rooms are definitely a turnoff, totally empty ones can be a little annoying as well.

If you’re going to be getting rid of some furniture anyway, why not leave a few (not too ugly) pieces in your old house to set the stage?

Or go to Walmart or Target and buy a few inexpensive pieces and dress the rooms up with some fresh flowers?

People like to know how their furniture will fit into the rooms, so this gives them a little bit of an idea. As a bonus, you could offer to let the seller keep the new inexpensive furniture.

5. Make necessary repairs and get up to speed on current trends.

If you have a shutter that’s falling off, nail it in place. If you’re going to remodel the bathroom, take the time to replace the kitchen cabinets too.

If you’ve ever watched HGTV you know that these improvements pay off several times over what you spend on the projects. Even if you can’t afford to replace the kitchen cabinets, update their hardware.

Drawer pulls and handles are inexpensive and look much nicer than rusty old knobs. Brushed nickel and gold are trendy.

I also cannot stand wood paneling. I recently viewed photos of a house that had EVERY SINGLE ROOM with the stuff. Disgusting, and not in style for the past 20 years. Either paint it white or replace it, please.

Circa-1970 (or earlier) appliances are a major turnoff as well. Replace the avocado and burnt orange with standard white or black if at all possible, or prepare to lower your asking price by many thousands.

6. Clean up your driveway.

If your driveway has big oil splotches on it, please clean them up or tar it.

7. Try to spruce up your basement.

I realize some, if not many, basements are unfinished.

But please try to make them look less like rooms where murders have occurred.

If your basement is unattractive, don’t include a photo of it. Meanwhile, before you have an open house, try to emphasize the storage-ability of it.

Try buying an some inexpensive plastic bookcases and putting wicker baskets on them. (This also will help you hide some of your personal effects.)

These tips should impress your buyers. Good luck!