All right, Netflix, you’re starting to make me mad

Dear Netflix,

You came into my life Aug. 21 (my birthday) and I was instantly smitten (especially by your instant offerings). You showed me things I’d never seen before and we had some good times — some laughs, a few tears, and a few why-did-I-even-put-this-in-my-queue moments.

But now I’m starting to see your true colors.

It started with the huge delay you have with new release movies. I understand that this is some deal worked out between you and the major studios, but when I could go rent the same movie at a Redbox the day it comes out, it seems like I should be able to get it from YOU, too.

But of course that brings me to my second point. If you have a new release movie on your list, there’s no guarantee you’re getting it anytime soon after it finally comes to Netflix. I don’t know what the criteria is for sending these movies out, but I hate waiting a month for something to come to Netflix, then at least another 2-3 months before I get it in the mail. At that point, I might as well just wait till it comes on cable.

So, by the grace of God, you get “Social Network” or some other popular new movie in your mailbox. That doesn’t mean it will have all the extras on the disc like it would if you bought it. I’m not a big extras person (I never watch cast commentaries), but I’d like to have the option to watch them instead of getting a disc stripped of everything but the movie. For example, I read online that “Going the Distance” had funny deleted scenes, but my disc had no such scenes on them. I realize this move is designed to make me want to BUY the disc but that isn’t why I have Netflix. I want to rent, not buy.

Fourth, I have really gotten into “Dexter.” I watched the first two seasons on Netflix Instant and was eagerly awaiting the third. But wait–the third and fourth seasons AREN’T ON INSTANT. And as of right now, the first disc of Season 3 says “Long wait” and the second disc of the season says “Very long wait.” Which means I have to go to the video store and see if they have them in stock because who knows when I’d get the discs through you. It feels like you baited and switched me.

Finally, I read that you want to phase out DVDs completely within the next couple of years. That would be fine with me but you’d need to, oh, I don’t know, ADD MORE INSTANT TITLES. And keep them for longer periods because sometimes I’m not in the mood to watch a movie I added months ago before it disappears from instant two days later.

Can you work on this stuff, Netflix? For me?

Love,

Me

I love you again, Food Network

Once upon a time, I watched the Food Network all the time. I learned how to make meals in 30 minutes. I found out how to make a tortilla from scratch. I gasped with anticipation while watching a painstakingly prepared multistory cake be carried to the judges’ table.

Then I got tired of it all and switched to TLC.

Recently, though, FN has beckoned me back. (And I don’t have much of a taste for TLC shows like “Police Women of Rinkydink County” and “Mall Cops Patrol the Parking Lot”).

But there are some shows I just can’t go for. It’s painful to watch “Cupcake Wars,” for example. Besides the fact that everyone on that show takes something as (let’s face it) trivial as cupcakes DEADLY. SERIOUSLY., it’s hosted by a guy who’s also a magician and goes by the name of Justin Credible.

Yep. SERIOUSLY.

I also can’t watch anything hosted by Alexandra Guarnaschelli because of the first impression I got from her. Years ago, when I first started watching FN, she was a contestant on the Ultimate Thanksgiving episode of Food Network Challenge. I don’t remember if she was making potatoes or the turkey or what, but she just gave up. Just threw in the towel without even trying to make whatever she was making work. I have no idea why FN gave her her own show because it’s clear that she wouldn’t have even made it past the first week as a Food Network Star contestant.

Speaking of which, that show has restored my faith in the network. I watched Food Network Star for a couple seasons, skipped last year, and now I’m back. It’s not a good show by any stretch of the imagination but, like the finest junk food, it’s filling and addictive.

I don’t even have a real favorite contestant this year, unlike in previous years (search for “Adam Gertler” on my blog to find out my favorite candidate of all time). But there is one who’s moving up slightly in the pack for me (not for the same reason as AG, though).

Aarti Sequeira already has her own food show – on the Internet. She comes with an expertise in a style of cooking not often found on FN, a fun personality and experience with teaching people to cook (what a concept, FN). Check out her blog: http://www.aartipaarti.com/

And here’s links to her “shows” on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/aartipaarti

Oh, and FN execs, if you need to get rid of someone in order to make room for “Aarti Paarti,” may I suggest:

A Holiday Wish

In the spirit of Christmas, and because I’ve only been making one blog post a month and would like to do more, I present…a Holiday wish. From Steve Martin.

 

From SNL, 1991.

Steve Martin: If I had one wish that I could wish this holiday season, it would be that all the children to join hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace.

If I had two wishes I could make this holiday season, the first would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sing in the spirit of harmony and peace. And the second would be for 30 million dollars a month to be given to me, tax-free in a Swiss bank account.

You know, if I had three wishes I could make this holiday season, the first, of course, would be for all the children of the world to get together and sing, the second would be for the 30 million dollars every month to me, and the third would be for encompassing power over every living being in the entire universe.

And if I had four wishes that I could make this holiday season, the first would be the crap about the kids definitely, the second would be for the 30 million, the third would be for all the power, and the fourth would be to set aside one month each year to have an extended 31-day orgasm, to be brought out slowly by Rosanna Arquette and that model Paulina-somebody, I can’t think of her name. Of course my lovely wife can come too and she’s behind me one hundred percent here, I guarantee it.

Wait a minute, maybe the sex thing should be the first wish, so if I made that the first wish, because it could all go boom tomorrow, then what do you got, y’know? No, no, the kids, the kids singing would be great, that would be nice. But wait a minute, who am I kidding? They’re not going to be able to get all those kids together. I mean, the logistics of the thing is impossible, more trouble than it’s worth! So — we reorganize! Here we go. First, the sex thing. We go with that. Second, the money. No, we got with the power second, then the money. And then the kids. Oh wait, oh jeez, I forgot about revenge against my enemies! Okay, I need revenge against all my enemies, they should die like pigs in hell! That would be my fourth wish. And, of course, my fifth wish would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace.

Thank you everybody and Merry Christmas.

He got a show!

Thanks, Food Network, for reading my blog. 😉

From Food Network Addict:

Adam Gertler is in L.A. shooting episodes of a new Food Network show Will Work For Food, reports the Philadelphia Inquirer.

It’s not a cooking show, per se. Gertler will show how people in the food business do their jobs. Among them: potato chip inspector, shark feeder and dog-food taste-tester. Gertler, an actor and former waiter at Amada in Old City, coowned The Smoked Joint, a short-lived barbecue restaurant at the Academy House in Center City.

According to the article, Will Work For Food premieres Sept. 30 at 9:30pm on Food Network.

No official word from Food Network, though.

UPDATE: Food Network confirms it’s true.

“On The Next Food Network Star Adam exhibited a unique combination of quick wit, passion for food and an engaging personality,” said Bob Tuschman, Senior Vice President, Programming and Production for Food Network. “He earned millions of fans across the country who have let us know that we have a second star in our midst. We feel this series is a perfect fit for his talents, letting him showcase his brand of humor while he works for food.”

http://foodnetworkaddict.blogspot.com/2008/08/adam-gertler-wins-too-his-own-show.html

Adam

Oh, Adam Gertler, why didn’t you win “The Next Food Network Star”???? All season I was waiting for you to win, even before the stupid show started! Why, on the finale, when the judges discussed whose show they could put on the network the next day and your name came up, did they pick Aaron “Big Daddy” McCargo instead of you? Why did they bring Aaron back in the Vegas episode when he clearly did the worst job? Why did they seem to pipe in the audience laughter, probably from your pilot presentation, into his?

Food Network or some other network, please hire this guy!! 🙂

ETA: They did! Look for my other post about it!

The eight debate

 

Question: When watching “Jon and Kate Plus Eight,” is there a NEED for a commercial about birth control? Isn’t the show itself all the birth control you need??!!

But seriously, those are some cute kids, and it’s a cute show.

As I do with most shows I get obsessed with, I found a lot of info on this one. Long story short: They got a lot of haters. There was some drama at the Television Without Pity message board and the thread had to be closed down, permanently, never to be restarted, and apparently someone in their family has their own blog talking about how horrible J & K are.

I’d rather just stay out of the drama on this one. If J & K want to document their lives (like they did even before they had a show), just let them. People are going to be curious about their kids, so why not let a crew film them so the memories (good and bad) last forever?

If you’re against what they’re doing, then hey, guess what? You’re free to turn off the TV. But let people who want to watch, watch.

Edited to add: I found another message board for “fans of reality TV” that shut down their J&K+8 thread. Sad.