I met you…at JC Penney…

15 Jul

Beck’s probably one of the most eccentric singers to ever have huge radio hits. Maybe Prince is in the same category, but not too many other people come to mind.

I love this quote from Johnny Cash from Beck’s Wiki page:

Johnny Cash would later record “Rowboat” and include it on his 1996 album Unchained. Cash later said that the song “sounded like something I might have written or might have done in the [1960s, when] I was kinda going through some weird times.”

“Unchained” also contained the “fan favorite” called “Satan Gave Me a Taco,” which I’ve never heard but probably need to check out.

Most people know Beck from the perennial “Loser” and “Where It’s At,” but those were played way too often on the radio for my taste. I adored “Beercan,” a song that apparently peaked at number 27 on the modern rock chart in 1994. I remember transcribing the lyrics so I could memorize them and try to figure out what the hell he was talking about.

Sixteen years later, I still have no idea.

Interestingly, Beck seems to channel Mr. Purple Rain himself with this deliciously faux-sleazy song, another one of my favorites, which has lyrics that don’t need any figuring out. Once you hear the twinkly beginning, you’ll know you have to find a place for it on your iPod.

See also: Idiot Boyfriend by Jimmy Fallon

i met you
at JC Penney
i think your nametag
said “Jenny”
i coldstep to you
with a fresh pack of gum
somehow i knew
you were lookin’ for some
like a fruit that”s ripe for a pickin’
i wanna do you like that Zankou Chicken
‘cos only you’ve got a thing
that i just got to get with
i just got to get with you
and you know what we’re gonna do

i wanna get with you
and your sister
i think her name’s Debra

i wanna get with you
and your sister
i think her name’s Debra

i pick you up late at night after work
i said “lady, step inside my Hyundai”
i’m gonna take you up to Glendale
gonna take you for a real good meal
cos when our eyes did meet
girl you know i was packin’ heat
ain’t no use in wastin’ no time gettin’ to know each other
cos only you got a thing
that i just got to get with

i wanna get with you
and your sister
i think her name’s Debra

i wanna get with you
and your sister
i think her name’s Debra

lovely lady
girl you drive me crazy

The Tori Conundrum

15 Jul

I grew up watching the “original” (wow, that makes me feel old) “Beverly Hills, 90210.” Even though I was in elementary school when it premiered, I longed to be a part of the West Beverly crowd. I’d marry Dylan and Donna would be my ditzy, forever-virginal friend.

Years later, I’d read “Donna’s” first book, StoriTelling, and while I no longer wanted to marry Dylan (what even happened to him, anyway?) I wanted Donna as a best friend even more. The book was so conversational and sometimes confessional, I got to know what it was like growing up in the real Beverly Hills, why she married her first husband and then why she married her second.

By the time I finished StoriTelling, her newest book, Uncharted TerriTori, had come out. I immediately bought it on my Kindle app and finished it quickly. If I had to write an Amazon review for it, though, I’d title it “Fizzy but with an aftertaste.”

The book had the same conversational style as her first but there was an urgency behind  it. A lot of the stories were straight from her reality TV show, even though I haven’t seen many episodes of that. And a lot of the subject matter had to do with the fact that Tori’s entire life is on display, and how she’s dealing with that. That kind of makes me feel bad, as a fan, because if I and others weren’t fans of hers, the paparazzi wouldn’t follow her at grocery stores.  But if she really didn’t want this life, she could move somewhere remote, get a job out of the public eye and never be stalked by photographers again.

On the other hand, reality TV seems like it was made for her. She was famous practically since birth, had appearances in many of her dad’s shows and later found success in TV movies. But the TV movie market isn’t so lucrative anymore (ahem…ask her husband) so now she’s even more famous and making even more money by living inside a fishbowl.

I guess I just wish she could slow it down. She shouldn’t have to Twitter every single thing. She should be able to savor some of her success without having to run around to get more of it. I appreciate her trying to keep her fans in the loop but at the same time I think it might be better for her health and sanity to have more quiet time with her family once in a while.

That’s what I’d tell my best friend, anyway.

FrustratingVille — Updated: Free Tricorne Hat and Powder Horn

10 Jul

Wicked Game

After nearly a year of seeding, harvesting and plowing, I recently quit FarmVille. Before I left for good, I started playing Zynga’s newest game, FrontierVille. The thing that drew me in to FrontierVille was the fact that your character could get married (even to a same-sex partner, if you so chose) and have a child. I also liked the idea of “quests,” specific tasks to get special items and move up in the game.

Now my husband Bertram and son Cam and I are trying to finish more quests. We have to:

–find a welcome mat to welcome Cam’s teacher to the schoolhouse

–find a bee for Cam’s pocket (don’t ask)

–sell 8 adult pigs

–collect a ribeye for a Fourth of July party

We also need to find some collection items before the Fourth of July promotion runs out in a few days.

Therein lies the problem.

(That’s not my collection, by the way.)

Some of these items are nearly impossible to find. According to a poster on the Zynga forum, they were told from an official that you have a 0.02% chance of finding one certain item — a tricorne hat. But you could buy it for a lot of real money, if you don’t like those chances.

That’s insane. I never spent real money on FarmVille and won’t on FrontierVille, either. But Zynga seriously needs to change the odds of finding items (one of the specific purposes of the game) or they’ll risk losing players. People who don’t play the game won’t spend money on it, so if they made the players happier, they’d stick around. Sounds like a win-win to me.

UPDATE: A friend of mine posted links to get a free tricorne hat and powder horn. Log into Facebook, then copy and paste each link in a separate window.

http://apps.facebook.com/frontierville/giftaccept.php?next=giftaccept.php&senderId=1%3A100001197757093&gh=aee34a7f050180ba2a0a1c0c34130e7b&gift=indy_tricorn&timestamp=1278746158&ref&key=098ab283f4be26e68a6d75daa3163677%24%24ccF%28NVP.45oFK0XULNW8T_c%211PEZcGRERbh2%287109gvN7jxnB-&src=request&…aff=gift&crt=indy_tricorn&signature=495d1966b32239fa79b226efb1a47625

http://apps.facebook.com/frontierville/giftaccept.php?next=giftaccept.php&senderId=1%3A100000710506764+&gh=aee34a7f050180ba2a0a1c0c34130e7b&gift=indy_powderhorn&timestamp=1278746158&ref&key=098ab283f4be26e68a6d75daa3163677%24%24ccF%28NVP.45oFK0XULNW8T_c%211PEZ…cGRERbh2%287109gvN7jxnB-&src=request&aff=gift&crt=indy_powderhorn&signature=495d1966b32239fa79b226efb1a47625

The Ever-Elusive Song

30 Jun

Have you ever had a fragment of a song in your head, worked it out enough so you could come up with part of an actual lyric, then googled it? You find the song title (eureka!) and google again to find it on YouTube, iTunes, or … nowhere.

Most of the songs I’ve searched for have come up on some site to listen to for free or to buy, but every once in a while there’s one that’s just MIA (and no, it’s usually not BY MIA).

Take, for example, this 1998 song that wedged itself into my brain. I had one lyric (“down with the king”) that pointed to a bunch of Run-DMC songs. I searched through tons of lyrics until I came up with another in my head that narrowed it to “The Beginning: No Further Delay.”

Yay! Off to listen!

But wait.

It’s not online. Not on iTunes, not Amazon, not anywhere.

Know where it is?

VINYL.

What?! I haven’t had a record player since I was about 5 years old. And I don’t think I’m getting one anytime soon, even though I’d love to hear this song again. Anyone want to upload it somewhere? Here’s the lyrics to jog your memory.

[Method Man]
Pack the number one champion sound, Uh, is they ready?

[Run]
How y’all feel out there?

[DMC]
Ah yeah, alright, alright…

[Method Man]
Mr. Meth, Run-DMC, Jam-Master Jay, run!

[Cuts from “Here we go” and “Together forever”]
1,2,3 In the place to be, as it is plain to see
He is DJ Run,
And we are the Krush Groovin, the body movin’
Party people your dreams have now been fulfilled
Get out of your seats and lets get ill
That’s right y’all…

[Run]
You’re gettin’ dollars, when dealing with Rev. Run
Look what I did done
And I come from Hollis, flipped it and scripted it and there it go
Wanna floss, Pull em off, you know I headlinin’
Sell out tours, platinum plaque, wall to wall,
name ringin’ out, from door to door
Still be the King, Run-DMC,
now y’all brothers wanna rhyme with me
Where’s my house I’ve got the key
Brothers can’t see me, not
All ya’ll cats tryin to be me
Might as well go on, hits to me
Had a E, now drivin’ a Beem
my girl ridin’ around in Gucci
Rhyme so raw, I’m told like sushi
Gave some time to rhyme to Susan Lucci
Hoes coming out, saying “Who’s she?”
Dead by dawn, rhymin’ for you D

[DMC]
Cracks in the cradle, cokes in the spoon
Little boy flew higher than the moon
Willie wanted weapons, Wilma wanted a wool
I come to school and lay down the rule
Johnny with the gun to break out of the crime
Shorty with the 40 was caught in the dark
Corner, black is a goner, didn’t really want to go
Now mamma is a warner

[Method Man]
Now I walked on ice, and never fell
I spent my time in a plush hotel
Judge a phenomena, deadly but calm world in my palm
Dead by dawn got the right to bear arms, bring me along
Another sound boy dying, hot iron
Stuff flyin, out the hardware appliance
Baby, Momma Crying’
Sobbin’ and grievin’, you was at odds,
With them kids, till they made it even
Let down your guard, yes you did
Now you barely breathin’

To win a whim, open season on a duck
We don’t give a what
Yo, best, best to give it up

Joe and D, lets run these MCs, they phony
From Humphrey, they mad Bogey
Saddle up your horse, there’s the sunset Mosey
Jam-Master Jay deserves a trophy for this track right,
Futuristic G past tight
If that’s your girlfriend, she wasn’t last night, punk
Little boy style’s is mad chump, ain’t no wins here
Sport is extreme, know what I mean
Gettin royalties, Down with the King…!

[Run]
None of y’all really made money
Like DJ Run and came the run
And played the Garden like Jordan
You never done it so my brother think about it, come on
It’s DJ Run and you the son
It’s this style called run on

[Method Man]
Alright, now run on

[Run]
Never leave me open, so dopin’ that I be scorin
cook is sleepin’ or they snoring
so boring that I be touring
Lauren told ya that ya lost one
You can’t afford this type of life
That it will cost Run

[Method Man]
Now speed it up, uh

[Run]
Run gonna make you wanna cry,
Make you wanna die,
Make you wanna lie, hold up
Got to come thru the rhyme
That run thru the mic, got a bounce to the ounce sure ’nuff,
not a player, hustler, hater or a buster only in Augusta Georgia
With a rap like a gun, that keeps a brother runnin
But it don’t matter cause it will cost ya
Cause you’re like a teacher, but I don’t reach ya
Soundin like a preacher what?
Nobodys cuts faster than the Jam-Master
Why? ’cause he has to cut
My deal as a DJ, every time we play, put it on replay what?
Run rockin’ up the heasy, gettin all greasy, down south with the bud
Run running like a rhino, spittin on vinyl
This is my final gun
Run breakin’ that spinal, this is my title
Y’all get phucked with Run!

Run-DMC signing off…

Out with the old…

29 Jun

I did some spring (summer?) cleaning to the blog and you four people who come here looking for song lyrics should be very impressed.

The domain name is still the same — dottedheart.wordpress.com — because I couldn’t get that changed to anything remotely like my new title, but the rest is new.

And with a new look will come…new posts! So stay tuned!

Goodbye, FarmVille

25 Jun

I know I haven’t posted lately.

What have I been doing?

Farming. Virtual farming.

Getting to level 88 on a farm made of pixels instead of soil.

Yes, I knew I had a problem. My friends and family did too. But what was the harm? It was a way to pass endless hours at work (so what if I got called out on it by my boss twice?). I HAD to harvest! I HAD to plant!

Then the warning signs came.

1.  I ran out of fuel.

Harvesting, plowing and planting 455 plots (that’s 3 times 455 times…a lot of clicks) takes a long freaking time. Fuel made this easier—I could use my vehicles, but then my fuel supply ran out.

2. A lack of space.

I wanted one of every limited edition item (save those for Farm Cash—I am proud to say I’ve never spent a dime on Farm Cash). So needless to say my once-tidy farm now looks like a wreck, and has for a long time.

3. An explosion of levels.

FarmVille’s first level cap was 70. So my goal was to make it to 70, and I did. Then the levels were raised to 90; therefore, my new goal was to make it to 90. Then tonight they were raised to … 999! What?! How many years would it take to get to level 999? That’s absolutely crazy.

4. A lack of creativity.

Another big goal of many players is to get masteries (and mastery signs proving you’ve mastered crops). I was very close to having every crop mastered except the 2-, 3- or 4-day crops (and I did have a few of those mastered, just not all). Then Zynga added a few more shorter crops. Okay, fine, I thought. Then they decided to bring back previously released limited edition crops (like forget-me-nots) and make them masterable. Um, no, sorry Zynga. I guess that means the latest limited edition crops will be brought back in the future too? Not happening.

5. A bunch of fizzled ideas.

How many of your friends still do co-ops? Anyone get excited about their nursery producing a horse? Anybody trying to get every new ribbon? Why were the explanations for the wedding favor and crop bushels so complicated? And please don’t get me started on the “botanical garden” that took weeks of begging and collecting items to build, that just sat on my farm for a couple days because it took too much space. And that brings me to number 6:

6. No new expansions.

There’s no way I’d have enough room to start building the new “Japanese barn” on my farm. Not unless I wanted to spend an hour or more rearranging everything.

When the iPhone app for FarmVille came out last night, I rushed to install it. Then…it sat there. Then…I finally got onto my farm. Then…it took forever to move or to try to do anything.

Then…it crashed, kicking me out.

I think I’ll take that as my final cue to leave.

Houses of Horror

21 Feb

I’ve been searching for houses for a long time now, and my search always intensifies when I hear the stomping or general movement of the horrid neighbors in the apartment above me.

I’d like to have a home to fix up and decorate, my own front and back yards, a door to put a wreath on,  my own driveway or garage.

So I’ve seen literally thousands and still haven’t found the perfect one. Either it’s price or location or something turns me off about it.

So if you’re also looking for a house, come commiserate with me. If you’re selling yours, read on to find out what an average buyer is looking for.

1. Neutral colors are your friend.

I don’t want to see your red dining room, your orange bathroom, your green kitchen. I want to see light mochas, whites, tans.

A simple paint job (yes, throughout your home — even on the outside if you’re able to) can earn you thousands of dollars.

A house can be adorable on the outside but a bright yellow bedroom will make me run for the hills.

And before you say anything, yes, I know paint and wallpaper can be changed easily. But that’s my point: It can be changed easily, so the seller should do that.

Save your own personal style for your next house.

This also goes for things like shower curtains — why not pick up a cheap white fabric shower curtain for your bathroom photo? It will brighten up the room and the potential buyer won’t be distracted by a busy or ugly print.

A seller wants to add their own touches. Which brings us to my next point.

2. Hide your personal effects well.

I get really turned off by seeing people’s personal photos on the walls, tables or shelves in a home.

No buyer wants to imagine someone else living in the house they may be buying.

This also goes for things like trophies, knick-knacks, your 12 cases of water you bought at Costco that are sitting in your basement,  dog food and pet cages.

I also don’t like seeing aquariums, but that may just be a personal thing with me.

I found one house recently that may have been put on my list, except for the fact that the pictures contained a wheelchair and an oxygen tank in the rooms.

Honestly, this bothered me for two reasons: 1) It reminded me of my grandparents who passed away and 2) These items made me think an elderly person died in the home.

Whether No. 2 is true or not, it’s not a good idea to have these items in your for-sale photos.

They could easily be moved to other parts of the home while the photos are being taken, then moved back. Just like photos and knick-knacks.

3. “Evidence of possible mold”

is never a good thing to read.

4. Try staging.

While cluttered rooms are definitely a turnoff, totally empty ones can be a little annoying as well.

If you’re going to be getting rid of some furniture anyway, why not leave a few (not too ugly) pieces in your old house to set the stage?

Or go to Walmart or Target and buy a few inexpensive pieces and dress the rooms up with some fresh flowers?

People like to know how their furniture will fit into the rooms, so this gives them a little bit of an idea. As a bonus, you could offer to let the seller keep the new inexpensive furniture.

5. Make necessary repairs and get up to speed on current trends.

If you have a shutter that’s falling off, nail it in place. If you’re going to remodel the bathroom, take the time to replace the kitchen cabinets too.

If you’ve ever watched HGTV you know that these improvements pay off several times over what you spend on the projects. Even if you can’t afford to replace the kitchen cabinets, update their hardware.

Drawer pulls and handles are inexpensive and look much nicer than rusty old knobs. Brushed nickel and gold are trendy.

I also cannot stand wood paneling. I recently viewed photos of a house that had EVERY SINGLE ROOM with the stuff. Disgusting, and not in style for the past 20 years. Either paint it white or replace it, please.

Circa-1970 (or earlier) appliances are a major turnoff as well. Replace the avocado and burnt orange with standard white or black if at all possible, or prepare to lower your asking price by many thousands.

6. Clean up your driveway.

If your driveway has big oil splotches on it, please clean them up or tar it.

7. Try to spruce up your basement.

I realize some, if not many, basements are unfinished.

But please try to make them look less like rooms where murders have occurred.

If your basement is unattractive, don’t include a photo of it. Meanwhile, before you have an open house, try to emphasize the storage-ability of it.

Try buying an some inexpensive plastic bookcases and putting wicker baskets on them. (This also will help you hide some of your personal effects.)

These tips should impress your buyers. Good luck!

Facebook-flummoxed

12 Feb

As I approach my first year of being on Facebook (yeah, I know, I’m usually a little behind on these “trendy” things), I thought this would be a good time to examine some of the things that truly baffle me about it (and its users).

So if you, like me, know more about your ninth-grade crush’s life than you do your own husband’s (because Crush Boy posts more status updates), read on.

1. Friend requests.

    What is the deal with people who:

    A)    Send them to you out of the blue, with one or no friends in common

    B)      Reject you even though you have at least five friends in common and you’re sure they remember who you are, or at least where they would know you from (high school, a workplace, etc.)

    C)       Sit on your friend request for weeks without confirming or ignoring you as a friend. (This last one is particularly annoying if you see their status updates show up on your news feed. That means they’re ON Facebook but they’re choosing not to confirm or deny you. Get off the fence, people! Ignore me or don’t but stop being passive/aggressive about it. I give people a week and if they still haven’t responded, I remove the request.)

    2. Crowd-following status updates.

    My previous post addressed this. You know the status updates I’m talking about:

    A)      The Cryptic Status. “Black.” “4  :(.”  These usually involve old memes given new life as a status update designed to confuse people not in-the-know. These get old very fast.

    B)      The Bandwagon Status. “If you love the troops, put this as your status for the next 24 hours.” Then there are the ones who try to lay on a guilt trip. “99% of people who love Jesus won’t put this as their status. Will you?” People who repost things like this make me wonder if everyone else were jumping off bridges, would they be next in line?

    C)      Fun with Tags Status. If someone’s going to tag 3 people in their status, why don’t they write on one of their friends’ walls instead? Or write a note? Not everybody cares about their reindeer games.

    3. Group and Fan Abuse.

      A) More Fans Than… Groups

      I admit that some of these started off funny (“Can This Pickle Get More Fans Than Nickelback?”) although they grew tiresome (“Can This Onion Ring Get More Fans Than This Onion Ring?”). Enough, please.

      B) Making a Stand Groups

      I dont care about your farm, or your fish, or your park, or your mafia!!!” Well, then, group members, why don’t you hide the posts of your fellow farmers and mafiosos, and get a life like you tell THEM to get.

      C) “Socially Aware” Fans

      Mary Hall became a fan of “Making Drug Tests Required to Get Welfare.” Thanks, Mary. Sorry I don’t feel strongly enough to care about becoming a fan of this.

      So, in conclusion and in summary, I do love Facebook. But some of the things people do on it make no sense to me. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go update my status with “Blue unicorn :(” and join a group called “can this sausage roll get more fans than cheryl cole” and ignore 10 friend requests, and…and…

      Is there anything that puzzles YOU about Facebook? Leave a comment (and I promise not to dissect it).  🙂

      Why the man-hating on Facebook?

      14 Jan

      About a week after the whole post-your-bra-color-and-we’ll-say-it’s-for-breast-cancer-awareness thing, you may have noticed these cryptic status updates:

      Jane Doe had lunch with a baseball bat in an elevator  because that’s how I roll.

      Mary Jones loved my science teacher in line at the bank because Big Bird said to and he’s my leader.

      So what does it mean? It means your friends are _______ (fill in the blank with the adjective of your choice) to follow along with a Facebook game that’s being spread through private messages.

      The game may be harmless “fun” but what’s kind of disconcerting about it is the fact that this, just like the bra “game,” is designed to confuse guys.

      This is the message I received in my Facebook inbox about it:

      This is hilarious!!!! Please Don’t spoil the fun, and keep it going…………DONT
      TELL ANY MEN!!!! Type out the sentence you end up with in UR STATUS!!!

      Pick the month you were born:
      January——-I kicked
      February——I loved
      March———-I karate chopped
      April————I licked
      May————I jumped on
      June———–I smelled
      July————I did the Macarena With
      August——–I had lunch with
      September—-I danced with
      October——-I sang to
      November—–I yelled at
      December—–I ran over

      Pick the day (number) you were born on:
      1——-a birdbath
      2——-a monster
      3——-a phone
      4——-a fork
      5——-a snowman
      6——-a gangster
      7——-my mobile phone
      8——-my dog
      9——-my best friends’ boyfriend
      10——-my neighbour
      11——-my science teacher
      12——-a banana
      13——-a fireman
      14——-a stuffed animal
      15——-a goat
      16——-a pickle
      17——-your mom
      18——-a spoon
      19——- a smurf
      20——-a baseball bat
      21——-a ninja
      22——-Chuck Norris
      23——-a noodle
      24——-a squirrel
      25——-a football player
      26——-my sister
      27——-my brother
      28——-an iPod
      29——-a surfer
      30——-a homeless guy
      31——-a llama

      What is the last number of the year you were born:
      1——— In my car
      2 ——— On your car
      3 ——— In a hole
      4 ——— Under your bed
      5 ——— Riding a Motorcycle
      6 ——— sliding down a hill
      7 ——— in an elevator
      8———- at the dinner table
      9 ——– In line at the bank
      0 ——– in your bathroom

      Pick the color of shirt you are wearing:
      White———because I’m cool like that
      Black———because that’s how I roll.
      Pink———–because I’m NOT crazy.
      Red———–because the voices told me to.
      Blue———–because I’m sexy and I do what I want
      Green———because I think I need some serious help.
      Purple———because I’m AWESOME!
      Gray———-because Big Bird said to and he’s my leader.
      Yellow———because someone offered me 1,000,000 dollars
      Orange——–because my family thinks I’m stupid anyway.
      Brown———because I can.
      Other———-because I’m a Ninja!
      None———-because I can’t control myself!

      Now type out the sentence you made and place it in YOUR STATUS line and SEND this message TO LADY ONLY friends

      Why ladies only? Guys are too stupid to participate in this or know what’s going on? And if it’s because guys are less likely to participate because they have better things to do, I’ve got news for the creator of this meme: Plenty of girls do too.

      Facebook is becoming the equivalent of those stupid chain do-this-or-else-your-cat-will-die e-mails and ones with forwarded, stale jokes that you never read.

      What should be a place to catch up with friends is looking more like a junk mail pile where you have to sift through the endlessly copied-and-pasted statuses to get to something that you might actually care about.

      And the man-hating is puzzling and disconcerting (and no, I’m not a man who’s saying this).

      It pain’s me

      4 Feb

      Few thing’s annoy me more than unnecessary apostrophe’s. It especially seem’s to happen on word’s that end in vowel’s, such as pizza’s, soda’s, cookie’s, but it can happen on any word at anytime’s. People, you CANNOT make a word plural by adding an ‘s to it! And it’s’s everywhere–on sign’s, T-shirt’s, banner’s, etc’s.

      Okay, I have to stop this now. 🙂 But I hope you get my point. The people at http://www.apostropheabuse.com/ sure do. They have photos of signs and menus and shirts with things like pantyhoe’s and ladie’s and all kinds of stuff that makes me cringe, but it’s nice to see that there are people in this world who are as horrified as I am. Maybe someday these errors will stop being written and printed. Someday’s in the future’s…